When I Grow Up...

At some point in my early childhood I wanted to be a cat. This trait ran in the family as my younger sister followed in my footsteps; she also wanted to be a cat. However, she took it so far as to ask my mom to feed her milk from a bowl. Thankfully, my mother declined and my sister remained human.

As I grew older and more mature, I realized the cat life wasn’t my calling. At that time, educators, along with my parents, began posing the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”.

Aside from the cat phase, when I thought of who I wanted to be when I grew up, the image I had in my mind was not very specific. A single successful business woman is what I envisioned. I imagined wearing a black, classy business suit, managing tasks, and thriving in a fast paced and challenging environment.

While sifting through a myriad of potential careers choices, those I more seriously considered were News Anchor and Interior Designer. And while I did graduate with a degree majoring in Interior Design, alas I did not continue on this path.

Lucky me, a few years ago, I became what I always imagined: a single successful business woman. Although I never wore business suits, classy black attire was and is today the staple of my wardrobe. At that time, I was flourishing at work. I did, and still do, love my job. While singleness was lonely at times, the picture ingrained in my mind since adolescence was a reality. My identity was firmly attached to that woman. Often I thought, “Maybe I am meant for this.”

About two years ago, my company was experiencing challenges. My job wasn’t secure. As a result, I began to question who I was without my work. Things had to change. I was forced to reexamine my priorities and my purpose.

When you’re young people ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. When grown up you ask yourself, “What’s my purpose? Where do I find my identity?”.

Sometimes I wish I stuck with the dream of becoming a cat. I do love cats. I don’t want one, but I like the idea of them. They live so seemingly free willed and in control. Many of them can be kind and cuddly, but also somewhat sassy.

However, house cats are not aware of their purpose. I think that’s clear. A house cat seems free. They act in a manner that leads people to believe that they manage the household (so I’ve been told and have seen from the numerous cat videos I’ve consumed). Yet, a cat’s purpose is for the joy of the owner. The only reason a person owns a cat is because they love them. They want to care for their cat and dote on them, even when their adorable little feline ignores their existence entirely and roams the house as if it’s their kitty kingdom with the purpose to rule over all.

I’m pregnant. “Mom” is not the picture I had in my head of what I wanted to be when I grew up. “Cat”, yes. “Mom”, no. I don’t feel grown up enough to be a mom. I don’t know how to be a mom. It’s exciting and scary. It’s overwhelming. It means everything must change.

However, my identity cannot be routed in my role as a mother. Nor can it be routed in my career as a Producer or any other role in which I serve. I was created because of God’s great love for me. Created for the purpose of his glory by grace through faith. My identity must be in him. My role as a child of God must come first. That is my purpose. And everything else will flow through him. This identity will never falter. It will not change. When I put my trust and hope in the Lord, I can stand firm and the fruit of the Spirit will flow into every facet of my life. In my family, in my community, and in my work.

I do believe part of the Lord’s purpose for me is to be a mom. I believe he has called me. And because I believe that my purpose is part of his plan, I don’t need to be afraid of losing myself in any role that I’m playing here on earth. God loves me, therefore I exist. My purpose is to use the blessings the Lord has given me to glorify him. I can glorify the Lord through my work and I can leave a legacy for Christ through my children.

Sufficed to say, this truth is not one that remains in the forefront of my mind the majority of the time. I inevitably get wrapped up in the happenings of life and start assigning my purpose to other roles. It takes effort and intentionality to refocus and realign. But it’s worth it. There is no greater truth than to know that I am wholly loved. And because of that great love, I have purpose.