Message Received

After making my way through the Tegut market, I unloaded my grocery selections onto the conveyor belt at the front of the shop. The cashier then scanned each individual item and passed it along for me to load into my reusable bags. As the final item neared the end of the belt, the kind cashier woman spoke a few sharp sounding syllables, to which I shook my head while presenting my credit card. I quickly swiped and awaited my receipt. With a smile, she handed it over and spoke in a melodic tone, “Tschüss!”. I gleefully replied, “Danke. Tschüss!”.

I proudly exited the store to venture back out onto the streets of Wiesbaden. I grinned as I reimagined the “successful” interaction. Honestly, I have no idea what the cashier lady said to me. But with a very limited understanding of the German language I still managed to get the message. I guess you could say I’m basically fluent.

Over the past few months I have been studying German in an effort to better assimilate upon moving to the foreign land. I think that learning the language conveys respect for the people and the culture. Thus far, I have learned a few words and phrases. Admittedly, I’m reluctant in utilizing them in real life situations as I haven’t quite figured out the pronunciations. There’s a particularly harsh and somewhat sharp throaty hawking sound that I just have yet to master. Alas, I will not give up and am determined to be able to hold a full conversation within the year!

English is the only language of which I am fluent. Vijay can speak many languages and, although it is a second language, he consistently educates me on English words and phrases that I have never known. It’s safe to say that there is a lot to learn about languages.

There are thousands of languages, over 7,100 official languages actually. Language is a curious thing. Have you ever been holding a conversation in which both parties are speaking the same language, yet you have no idea what is actually being discussed? This happens to me often. It’s not uncommon that miscommunication causes friction and frustration on a weekly basis, primarily in my marriage. And though it’s less often, it also occurs with family members and friends. I can be saying the exact same thing as someone else, but because we communicate it differently, there’s confusion.

I have spent hours trying to learn a brand new language so that I can communicate with strangers. Yet, I don’t put that much effort into learning how to truly communicate with the people I interact with most frequently and care about most.

Over the last few years, I learned a lot more about how I communicate. The way in which I say something and the words that I choose to use will be affected by my past experiences and my emotions. For instance, there are certain subjects that when broached, will initiate a sense of anger in me. If I didn’t know this about myself, I could end up starting a lot of arguments because of my negative past experiences that are likely not relevant and unrelated to the conversation in which I’m engaged at the time. I would imagine that if this is true for me, it’s likely also true for other people.

There are a lot of messages being conveyed on a daily basis. How many of them are being truly received?

I want to be heard. People want to be heard. But moreover, people just want to be understood. And those are not the same thing. It might take some extra effort, a little grace, a lot of patience, genuine interest, and kindness, but I think it would be well worth it to work to understand those around us.

My next grocery store run will likely be very similar to the last. Although, it’s also likely that I will reveal the fact that I need help understanding what’s being communicated. Similar to many previous interactions, if possible, the other party will shift their language to accommodate my understanding. They will begin to speak to me in English. I wish I could speak German but I do not. I am thankful for those who are willing to put in the extra effort to ensure we both understand each other a little better.