Road Rage

Recently during a Telehealth session with my counselor, she observed anger in my speech. This conclusion was based on my excessive use of the words “frustration” and “irritation”. I didn’t disagree with her, but I don’t want to be an angry person. I’ve been working really hard NOT to be angry.

Anger and I have a long history. We’ve spent countless hours together. I picture it as an animated film. Imagine a pair of lively cartoon characters giggling gleefully and holding hands while spinning together in an open meadow. That’s anger and me. But instead of an open meadow, imagine a forrest fire raging with destruction. And instead of giggling, we’re roaring with maniacal laughter.

Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating slightly. However, I realize how engulfed I can become in anger. More recently, my efforts to NOT be angry resulted in avoiding it, as if I banished anger from my emotional realm. It turns out emotions don’t work that way. Avoiding emotions does not eliminate them.

Anger can feel overwhelming. Some of this is because anger is experienced in our bodies as well as in our minds. There is a complex series of physiological events that occurs as we become angry. It’s part of the innate response known as “fight or flight”.

When we experience anger, our body's muscles tense up. Our brain releases chemicals causing a burst of energy that can last up to several minutes. At the same time, our heart rate accelerates, our blood pressure rises, and our rate of breathing increases. Our attention narrows on the target of our anger. Soon we can pay attention to nothing else.

So, how do we process anger without being consumed by it?

Clearly, I do not have the answers. But here are a few things that I’ve found helpful as I continue to navigate this journey for myself.

It’s okay to feel angry. Validation is incredibly important. A wise friend repeats to me often, “People just want to know that their feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay to be angry.”

I’ve been scared to admit that I’m angry for fear of being immersed in it and absorbed by it. However, anger is a valid emotion. It’s okay for me to feel angry. IT’S OKAY FOR ME TO FEEL ANGRY!!!

Direct it in a healthy way. Running is a helpful outlet for my anger. So is venting on the phone with a trusted family member or friend. Directing anger into a boxing class or another physical activity could be helpful. I can attest that belting a song in the car is a wonderful release. My go to is “Diane” by Cam.

Don’t let forgiveness go forgotten. During an emotional purge, my sister Andrea commented, “You’re going to have to forgive, for you.” It took a second to set in. Amidst my anger, I hadn’t even thought about it. I had forgotten about forgiveness. Forgiveness is not achieved with ease. But it’s so worth the healing it provides. So, Andrea is right. I too will have to forgive - in time.

Anger can feel overwhelming. With effort, the ability to manage it and move past it is possible.

Life results in a multitude of emotions. Anger will surface. My road will not be defined by rage. Instead, I will work to journey along with these emotions in a healthy way. When the time is right, I’ll leave them at the wayside to keep moving forward for whatever is next. I’ll also be better prepared for the next time tough emotions, like anger, come my way. They inevitably will.