NOBODY PANIC!
On the recommendation of my father, I’ve been enjoying the show Ted Lasso. It’s simultaneously inspiring, thought provoking, and hilarious. More importantly, I believe it to be relatable. One particular episode portrays a character’s physical and emotional struggle with a panic attack. This is an experience to which I can relate entirely.
I experienced my first panic attack in January of 2020 while driving to Indianapolis for work. I was fortunately accompanied by a co-worker and friend when the attack happened. It was a sudden and disorienting event. During a conversation about the future potential of a romantic relationship, a tingling sensation began to crawl through my fingers and up my arms. As if by impulse, my mind was suddenly enveloped by and swallowed in the crippling fear of everything that could go wrong for me in a new relationship after divorce.
Sinking into the depths of my mind I became immersed in feelings of rejection. The pain and brokenness of abandonment. The despair of loneliness. The fear of unworthiness and never being good enough. Each and every breath was drowning in an overflow of negativity and overwhelming panic. Quickly my mind refocused on my physical state. I had been hyperventilating, and continued to choke in desperation. My lungs were gasping, but were instead physically suffocated by fear. Struggling for air. Incapable of physically moving my body. Completely out of control. I thought I was dying. I’ve never been more afraid in my life.
A panic attack is merely a sudden episode of intense fear. That fear triggers severe reactions when in reality, there is no real danger and, many times, no apparent cause. During a panic attack, you continue to breathe faster than you’re able to control, using chest muscles rather than your diaphragm for ventilation. This leaves little room for the chest to expand, causing the feeling of suffocation. As a result, you enter a cycle of worsening anxiety and respiratory distress as you try to breathe even faster and deeper. This pattern causes more carbon dioxide to be exhaled from the body than can be produced, which decreases the partial pressure of CO2 in the bloodstream. This is known as hypocapnea and leads to respiratory alkalosis. Respiratory alkalosis occurs when the levels of carbon dioxide and oxygen in the blood are not balanced. Oxygen begins binding more strongly to hemoglobin, therefore less is released for tissue perfusion. It also causes decreased blood supply to the brain, which can lead to an altered mental state. Then numbness, tingling, and spasms of the hands and feet can occur when calcium levels decrease. However, once the respiratory rate is lowered again, electrolyte levels normalize and symptoms improve.
It took me several weeks to write this blog. The thought of a panic attack is so frightening that I couldn’t focus on it for very long. I was genuinely afraid of inducing an attack. I considered not writing it at all. Fear can be crippling.
I could have decided not write about my panic attack because I was too afraid it might cause one. I could choose not to take the risk of investing in another romantic partner because I’m too afraid it might fail. Maybe it would be best if we all just sit in the corner and live mediocre lives without risking anything, then we will never have to be afraid of anything.
But that’s not living and it’s not what God intended for our lives. Life is full of things that scare us. Everyone is afraid of something. We all deal with fear and anxiety. God knows this about us. He doesn’t want us to live in fear. He constantly reminds us not to be afraid, but to instead lean into him and have faith.
“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27
And my personal favorite, Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
Sometimes I need to be reminded of God’s truth. I recently bought a ring inscribed, “Faith / Fear”. It’s a simple message with a powerful impact.
With faith, we need not fear the unknown. Because it is indeed known. It is known to God, and we can trust His plan and His promise over our pain and our present. Nobody panic.